Children and Negotiation
By Delilah van Tol
Children are the future, a saying used in many different situations. While alternative dispute resolution is growing, are we also focusing on negotiation skills between young children? Do they possess these skills from a young age? Are they losing their skills while growing up in a society that often praises power and hierarchy? Or do parent skills project the wrong communication skills? While we are focusing on raising awareness for alternative dispute resolution methods, why do we not focus on the future; children?
A lot is still unclear when it comes to social interactions and the most effective way of teaching children how to socialize.[1] Research conducted a study where children between the ages of 4 and 9, both male and female, had the opportunity to negotiate for a “bonus” with a male or female negotiator. The research outcome was that boys asked for the same amount of money from the male and female negotiators. In contrast, the girls asked for a smaller amount of money from the male than the female negotiator.[2] They concluded that young children develop a gender gap from a young age.
Moreover, children develop communication skills to explain their needs around 3/4 years old. They know what is important to them and want to execute this task or conversation to gain whatever they want or need at that moment—for example, dressing up, which is not always appropriate. The moment they know what they want is often when they can negotiate. The children probably do not realize they do, but the parents are, so it is essential to use the appropriate techniques.[3]
Nevertheless, there are a couple of ways to teach children the art of negotiation. First of all, it is essential to involve children and not exclude them. This will introduce the correct way or the correct techniques to perform negotiations. What could also be beneficial is role play. Provide a scenario and let the child negotiate from both or multiple perspectives.
Furthermore, explain what is happening to your child, why it is involved in, for example, a family debate/decision. Also, teach the children the difference between arguing and debating. Negotiations are used to find common ground and not about ‘winning’ the conversation. Besides, all these points give the child the space and freedom to discover negotiation.[4]
In a nutshell, children and negotiation will come when they learn about communication. Nevertheless, their environment decides whether children will learn effective negotiations techniques.
[1] Gaile S. Cannella ‘Learning through social interaction: Shared cognitive experience, negotiation strategies, and joint concept constructions for young children p. 427 <https://www.academia.edu/7856982/Learning_through_social_interaction_Shared_cognitive_experience_negotiation_strategies_and_joint_concept_construction_for_young_children?auto=citations&from=cover_page> Accessed on 07.12.2021.
[2] Sophie H. Arnold & Katherine McAuliffe ’Children show a gender gap in negotiation’ (first published 2021) <https://doi.org/10.1177%2F0956797620965544> Accessed 07.12.2021.
[3] Kristyn Kusek Lewis ‘Little negotiators: How to compromise with your pre-schooler’ (Parents magazine 2015) <https://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/discipline/negotiate-with-toddlers/> Accessed 07.12.2021.
[4] Sara Mansson ‘Teaching your child the art of negotiation’ (2019) <https://embracinghorizons.com/teaching-your-child-the-art-of-negotiation/> Accessed on 07.12.2021.